Perfectionism Therapy in New York

If you’ve been searching for perfectionism therapy in New York, it probably isn’t because you want to lower your standards. It’s because the pressure never shuts off. You can finish something and still feel behind. You can get praise and still pick it apart. You might look calm to everyone else, but inside, you’re running a constant mental audit.

Citron Hennessey Therapy offers perfectionism therapy for New Yorkers through online sessions anywhere in New York State, with the option to meet in person in Manhattan. You can get support without turning therapy into another complicated project. 

A few things you can expect to find answers to below include:

• What perfectionism usually looks like when it stops being helpful
• Why it can feel so hard to turn off
• What therapy can do that self-discipline and willpower can’t

Reviewed by Benet Hennessey, MA, EdM, LMHC

Perfectionism gets mislabeled as motivation. Sometimes it even gets rewarded at work or in school. The problem is that it rarely feels like pride. It feels like relief, and then the relief disappears fast.

Perfectionism is often about avoiding failure, not enjoying success

Perfectionism can be described as a fast track to discontentment, with many perfectionists focused more on avoiding failure than pursuing success. That shift matters. When you’re driven by fear of mistakes, the goalposts keep moving. Even “good” outcomes don’t feel good for long. 

What perfectionism can look like in real life

Perfectionism usually doesn’t announce itself as perfectionism. It shows up as everyday habits that feel necessary.

• You rewrite a message four times because you don’t want to sound “wrong.”
• You procrastinate because starting means risking a less-than-perfect outcome.
• You overprepare because being unprepared feels unsafe.
• You finish something and immediately see everything you should’ve done better.
• You shrug off compliments because they don’t match what you see.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Perfectionists often set unrealistically high expectations, stay overly critical of mistakes, and tend to dismiss compliments or avoid celebrating success. 

What perfectionism costs over time

Perfectionism doesn’t just drain time. It drains emotional energy.

Over time, it can start to connect with anxiety, depression, and disordered eating patterns. Perfectionism is often accompanied by depression and eating disorders, which is one reason it’s worth taking seriously rather than treating it like a personality quirk.

You don’t have to identify as a perfectionist to benefit from therapy for perfectionism. Most people just know they’re exhausted.

At work or school

You might notice:

You can’t delegate because nobody will do it “right.”
You overthink small decisions because every choice feels permanent.
You struggle to finish because finishing means being evaluated.
You tie your worth to output, so rest feels like failure.

A common tell is this: you’re doing a lot, but you never feel done.

In relationships

Perfectionism can show up as:

People pleasing that turns into resentment
Avoiding conflict until it leaks out as sarcasm, shutdown, or anger
Taking feedback as a personal indictment
Feeling responsible for everyone’s experience, then feeling secretly angry about it.

Sometimes, perfectionism isn’t about your partner at all. It’s about your own inner rules for how you “should” be.

In your body and mood

Even if you look high functioning, your nervous system might be saying otherwise.

Tension that doesn’t really leave
Irritability that surprises you
Trouble sleeping because your brain won’t stop reviewing the day
A flat, numb feeling that makes everything feel like a chore

If you keep thinking, “I should be able to handle this,” therapy can help you get out of the should loop and into something more workable.

Perfectionism often starts as a strategy. It may have helped you succeed. It may have helped you cope. It may have helped you stay safe in a critical environment.

The issue is what happens when the strategy becomes the only way you know how to operate.

The inner rulebook

Perfectionism usually comes with rules that sound like facts:

If I mess up, I’ll be judged.
If I slow down, I’ll fall behind.
If I don’t do it perfectly, it doesn’t count.
If I’m not impressive, I’m not enough.

These rules are exhausting because they don’t allow room for being human.

Perfectionism as protection

Perfectionism is driven primarily by internal pressures, including the desire to avoid failure or harsh judgment. Many people also feel a social pressure component, including competition and social comparison. 

That framing matters because it makes perfectionism easier to understand. It’s not that you’re “too much.” It’s that you’ve been trying to prevent pain by controlling outcomes.

The cycle

Here’s a common pattern:

• You set a high standard.
• Pressure builds.
• You overwork, overthink, or avoid.
• You get a short burst of relief.
• Then self-criticism returns, and the standard rises.

Therapy helps interrupt the cycle, not by asking you to stop caring, but by helping you care in a way that doesn’t cost you your mental health.

Perfectionism therapy should feel practical. You should leave sessions with clarity, not just insight. Cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness therapy can be extremely helpful for perfectionists. 

CBT for perfectionism

CBT helps you identify the thoughts and behaviors that keep the perfectionism running, then practice alternatives that actually reduce anxiety.

In real terms, you might work on:

Noticing all-or-nothing thinking
Challenging catastrophic predictions
Reducing compulsive checking and reassurance seeking
Practicing “good enough” on purpose, then seeing what happens.
Learning how to recover from mistakes without spiraling

This isn’t about positive thinking. It’s about accurate thinking and building evidence that you can handle imperfection.

Mindfulness therapy for the inner critic

Mindfulness work helps you relate to the critical voice in your head in a different way.

Instead of treating every critical thought as a command, you learn to notice it, name it, and choose your response. That shift can be huge for perfectionism because so much of perfectionism is automatic.

For many people, mindfulness also supports better emotional regulation. You can feel the discomfort of not being perfect without needing to fix it immediately.

What changes first

Progress usually starts in small, specific places.

You hit send without rereading ten times.
You stop apologizing for existing.
You make a mistake and don’t spend the entire night replaying it.
You take a day off and don’t feel guilty the whole time.

That’s not small. That’s freedom.

Trust comes from clarity. Citron Hennessey Therapy doesn’t provide specialized care for Bipolar I disorder, borderline personality disorder, heavy substance use disorders, eating disorders, or schizophrenia. When those needs are present, we can help connect you with specialty programs or urgent services that better fit.

If you’re unsure what you need, start by reaching out. A brief conversation can help you get oriented and move toward the right kind of care.

If perfectionism has been running your life, you don’t have to solve it alone, and you don’t have to show up with a perfect explanation. If you’re looking for perfectionism therapy in New York, Citron Hennessey Therapy offers online therapy throughout New York State and in-person sessions in Manhattan.