Can Depression Be Self-Sabotaging?

Depression can lead to self-sabotage by draining motivation and confidence, causing you to unconsciously block your own success through procrastination, withdrawal, or negative self-talk. This behavior often stems from deep feelings of unworthiness, fear of failure or rejection, and learned helplessness, which make shutting down feel safer than risking disappointment. Rather than weakness, self-sabotage is a coping mechanism the brain uses to protect itself, though it ultimately keeps you stuck in a painful cycle. Therapy, especially evidence-based approaches like CBT, ACT, DBT, AEDP, and EMDR, can help you recognize these patterns, understand their roots, and develop healthier responses—offering tailored support that empowers you to rebuild confidence and move forward at your own pace.

Can Depression Be Self-Sabotaging?

Have you ever caught yourself rooting against your own success? You’re not the only one. Depression has a sneaky way of draining motivation, shaking confidence, and convincing you that you don’t deserve good things—so you pull back, procrastinate, or say “why bother?” even when part of you wants the exact opposite.

That tug-of-war is self-sabotage, and it happens far more often than most people realize. When guilt, hopelessness, or the fear of falling short take over, shutting down can feel safer than risking disappointment.

We get it. At Citron Hennessey Therapy, we work alongside you to untangle these patterns and replace them with healthier ones. Whether you visit our office or join a secure video call, you’ll find evidence-based support that meets you where you are and helps you move toward where you want to be.

What Self-Sabotage Looks Like When You’re Depressed

Self-sabotage usually isn’t a big, dramatic moment. It’s the small, everyday choices that quietly steer you off course. When depression dims your self-esteem and whispers that failure is a sure thing, you might notice yourself:

• Putting off key projects at work or school
• Pulling away from friends and family, even though you crave connection
• Saying “no” to new chances because the risk feels too scary
• Slipping into harsh self-talk or perfectionism that freezes you in place

None of this is a sign of laziness or weakness. It’s your brain’s well-intended safety mode kicking in, only it ends up keeping the pain on repeat. Spotting the pattern is your first signal that change is possible. You’re not broken; you’re coping with the tools you have right now, and better support is available whenever you’re ready.

Why We Self-Sabotage When We’re Depressed

Depression doesn’t just make you feel low. It can reshape how you see yourself, your future, and your ability to change. Self-sabotaging behaviors often come from a place of pain, not a lack of willpower. You might feel stuck because of:

• Learned helplessness: the belief that nothing you do will make a difference, so why try?
• Fear of vulnerability or rejection: avoiding closeness or ambition to protect yourself from being hurt.
• Internalized beliefs of unworthiness: a deep sense that you don’t deserve success, love, or stability.
• Avoidance of disappointment through “pre-failure”: giving up early so you don’t have to watch things fall apart later.

These habits run on autopilot, but you can retrain them. Approaches like CBT and ACT shine a light on the pattern, then show you how to answer it differently, in ways that actually boost your confidence. You’re not muscling your way to change; you’re giving yourself room to grow into it.

How Therapy Can Help You Break the Cycle

Therapy provides you with the tools and support to recognize these patterns and gradually untangle them. At Citron Hennessey Therapy, our clinicians work collaboratively with you to identify what’s holding you back and what might help you move forward.

We draw from a range of evidence-based approaches, including:

• CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to help you reframe self-critical thoughts and challenge unhelpful beliefs.
• ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to build awareness, acceptance, and alignment with your values—even when discomfort is present.
• DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) to strengthen emotional regulation and distress tolerance.
• AEDP and EMDR to access and process deeper emotional wounds, especially when trauma or attachment issues underlie self-sabotage.

These methods aren’t one-size-fits-all. They’re tools we tailor to your needs because your story, and your healing, are unique.

FAQs About Depression and Self-Sabotage

What is self-sabotage, really?

It’s those head-scratching moments when you throw roadblocks in your own path—stalling on a deadline, ghosting friends, or quitting just before the finish line, even though you honestly want to succeed. That tug-of-war is self-sabotage. For someone living with depression, it isn’t a quirk; it’s a protective reflex born from hopelessness, shaky self-esteem, and the fear of falling short. Ducking out can feel safer than risking disappointment, but the trade-off is an even tighter sense of being stuck.

Is it my fault that I keep getting in my own way?

Absolutely not. These habits didn’t start because you’re lazy or weak. They grew out of life experiences, old hurts, and messages that told you you weren’t enough. Depression only turns up the volume. You did what you could to cope with the situation. Now, with the right support, you can spot those patterns and choose a different path whenever you’re ready.

Can therapy help if I already know I’m self-sabotaging?

Spotting the pattern is huge, but breaking it alone, especially with depression weighing you down, can feel impossible. In therapy, you get a judgment-free space to dig into what drives those behaviors and test-drive new ways to think and act. The goal isn’t just to hit “stop”; it’s to swap old habits for ones that support you instead of holding you back.

How long will it take to shift these habits?

It really varies, and some people notice the fog lifting after a few weeks of consistent sessions; others need more time to build trust, unpack insights, and gather momentum. What counts is showing up, staying curious, and celebrating each small step forward. Those little wins stack up into bigger breakthroughs, and your therapist will be right there with you the whole way.

Can online therapy help with depression?

Absolutely. For talk-based approaches like CBT, ACT, or DBT, a secure video session can feel just as personal and effective as sitting in the office, and sometimes even more so when you’re in your own space. If work, family, or comfort make it challenging to commute, virtual therapy offers flexible and private support without the added stress of travel. At Citron Hennessey Therapy, we offer encrypted video sessions to anyone across New York State, so expert care is only a click away whenever you’re ready.

Do I need a diagnosis to start therapy?

Not at all. You don’t need to have a formal diagnosis or even be sure that what you’re experiencing is depression to benefit from therapy. If you’re noticing patterns that are keeping you stuck, or you just feel off and don’t know why, that’s more than enough reason to reach out. A therapist can help you understand what’s going on and guide you toward meaningful change, whether or not a diagnosis is part of the process.

What if I’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t help?

It’s okay if you’ve had mixed experiences with therapy in the past. Not every therapist is the right fit, and not every approach resonates with everyone. At Citron Hennessey Therapy, we take a collaborative and individualized approach, drawing from a wide range of techniques to find what works best for you. Therapy isn’t a one-shot fix—it’s a relationship. When it clicks, it can be life-changing. If you’re willing to try again, we’re here to meet you with respect, skill, and care.

Ready to Break the Cycle?

You don’t have to keep looping through self-doubt, second-guessing, and burnout. If you feel stuck in habits that drag you down, therapy can help you untangle what’s going on and chart a new course.

At Citron Hennessey Therapy, we create a welcoming space—virtual or in person—where you can explore the roots of self-sabotage, rediscover your strengths, and practice skills that move you forward with confidence.

Schedule a free consultation today. Let’s turn compassion and clarity into the support you deserve and the self-trust you’re ready to reclaim.